Bridget's Bane: A SciFi Alien Romance Page 24

  "That's wonderful," Steph says. "And how do you feel?"

  "I…don't know." I grimace. "It's a shitty thing to say, but we're so good right now, you know? I don't want to mess any of that up. I love what we've got. He's trying really hard to listen, and I'm trying really hard to speak up. I feel like we're on the same wavelength. Like we're meshing." I interlace my fingers, as if that can somehow represent how in-tune I feel with A'tam. "I love the kisses and cuddles and the touching."

  "But you don't want to go forward?" Steph asks, ever astute.

  I…don't. And I hate that I don't. I could be happy for the rest of my days with no penis ever entering my vagina. Fingers and tongue are wonderful and A'tam makes me come so hard. If I feel a little hollow sometimes, or my body clenches around nothing, well, that's just something to be ignored. "I guess we'll have to soon enough, you know? But for now, I have enough."

  "Does A'tam feel the same?" Steph's voice is calm and easy. Sweet, even.

  I still flinch. Because I know A'tam doesn't feel the same. He's been incredibly patient. Wonderfully patient. But if I asked him if he would be okay with this for the rest of his days, the answer would be no. Of course it would be. He wants to fulfill resonance. He wants babies. And I do, too…but… "I know. I'm stalling."

  "I didn't say that."

  "I know, but I feel like it." I give her a tiny smile. "Resonance is going to make us give in soon enough. It's just that I'm afraid of it changing things. That we'll lose this happiness we have right now and go right back to where we were. And that scares me, because I don't want to lose this." I hug my chest. "I don't know what I'll do if I hate it all over again."

  "And do you think you will?"

  "The smart part of me says no, but the smart part of me tends to take a vacation when it comes to A'tam." I give her a sheepish look.

  She doesn't smile at my joke, though. There's understanding glimmering in her eyes. "That's why I wanted to talk to you separately. I'm not saying you need to change anything today. I'm not saying you need to jump on him the moment I leave. But one of the big issues between the two of you was honesty. You need to be honest with A'tam about how you're feeling. He's wanting things to progress, from what you're saying, and if you don't, you need to discuss that. All relationships have to be on the same page."

  "I know, I know," I say. She's right. I just don't want to hear it.

  I'm saved in the next moment, however, when A'tam ducks into the hut, a bowl of steaming cakes in his hands and a wide grin on his face. "Who is hungry?"

  I'm still thinking about this morning's therapy session that night in the longhouse. It's one of those impromptu parties that the sa-khui and the islanders are so fond of, because there's little to do on the beach in the winter other than work. If there's an excuse for a gathering, they jump on it. I thought for sure that they'd be celebrating O’jek’s win of one of the prized knives (which has made both R’jaal and I'rec quite sour). Nope. Turns out it's for something far cuter than that.

  Rukhar has lost a tooth, and that's all it takes for a feast to be put on.

  We can't exactly hide out in our hut when there's a celebration, so A'tam and I show up, hands linked, and sit together by the fire. The longhouse is fairly dark inside, with lots of shadowy corners. As a result, there's a few shelves with tallow candle-bowls burning high overhead to add some light, and the fire in the firepit is a long, narrow one so the light and warmth can be shared all down the longhouse. Brace after brace of cooking pouches hang over the flames, and the scent of delicious foods fills the air.

  This is the first party we've had in the longhouse, I think, and it's fascinating to see where everyone sits. The men all cluster together in their little groups—the Shadow Cat clan to the side of me, Strong Arm on the opposite end of the hall. Angie and Nadine sit in the middle of things with Vordis and Thrand, and Willa and Gren sit with the sa-khui. Gren plays with the kids while Liz and Raahosh talk with Bek and Elly, and Penny and her mate S'bren taste a soup, then add more herbs. Callie and Mari are nearby with their mates, talking in Spanish even as they sit amidst the group. Callie says something and Mari puts a hand to her mouth, giggling, while T'chai strokes her arm. M'tok hovers over Callie, occasionally leaning over to the fire to turn a spit of roasting meat.

  Nearby, Raven and U'dron are working on a beat with their musical instruments, but it's clear they're lost in their own little world. She whispers something to him and his tail lashes wildly, which makes her laugh.

  I sit on a soft, stuffed pillow on the hard stone floor at one end of the fire and watch the festivities. The longhouse initially started out with a wooden floor, but once the islanders heard that there was going to be a fire pit, they acted like the humans were idiots for suggesting wooden floors at all. It's been replaced with big, flat slabs of rock that are mostly even, the walls a mortared mixture of rock and wooden beams, the roof the same stitched hide teepees that the huts have. It's not much warmer than outside, I notice. The only thing we're doing is trading the breeze for a smoky interior, but everyone seems to enjoy it, so I don't comment.

  Flor sits with me, chatting and gossiping away as we sip on shrimp tea. If I'm a little quiet, she doesn't notice. Flor is always chipper and funny, keeping a running commentary while I just smile and give the occasional laugh. In truth, I'm barely paying attention to what she says. My khui's singing low and insistent in my chest, and I keep looking over at A'tam again and again. He has his arms crossed over his chest, talking with I'rec and O'jek while they roast meat nearby. O'jek pauses every now and then to baste the haunch of dvisti with an herby sauce that smells amazing, and I wonder if this is his answer to Bek and Elly's tasty barbecued meat from the other day. Daisy holds the bowl of sauce for him, whispering low, and she looks just as gorgeous today as she does every day. I don't think she's ever just rolled out of bed and looked messy. I bet she comes out of a good hard dicking perfectly groomed, too.

  Of course, thinking about fucking makes me think about A'tam. I look over at my mate, my khui getting louder, but he's laughing at something I'rec said.

  Flor nudges me with her elbow. "Did she take things hard?"

  I blink, and it takes me a moment to understand what she's referring to. She nods at Daisy, who's tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and chatting animatedly with Sessah, who was sitting next to Flor up until I sat down. He's gravitated toward her, like all the unmated men somehow do. It doesn't even make me mad anymore, though. A'tam hasn't glanced her way once since we came in, and I know he wants only me.

  It makes me feel really good to know that. Settled, in a weird way. And oddly enough, I feel a twinge of sympathy for Daisy, who's relying on her charm and looks to try and fit in with a group that's already been established. That can't be easy. I make a mental note to try and be friendlier instead of a possessive asshole. "She took it really well," I lie. There wasn't anything to “take” considering that the relationship between A'tam and Daisy was a sham. Flor doesn't know that, and I don't enlighten her. I'm sure some of the camp is aware, but it's not gossip I want to get into tonight.

  I just want to be happy tonight. I want to feast and dance. I want to laugh and hear stories. I want to hold babies and enjoy myself.

  "So how's resonance?" Flor asks.

  A'tam glances my way, and my khui gets even louder. I put a hand to my chest, as if a touch will somehow calm it down. He's experiencing the same thing, I know, just from a look. He touches his chest, a hint of a smile curving that sexy mouth of his, and I get all flushed. I'm suddenly impatient for tonight, for more kisses and cuddles.

  I think about what Steph said earlier. What am I waiting for? Am I waiting to hope that his dick will somehow shrink? It's not going to happen. Am I waiting to be more turned on than I already am? Again, I doubt that's going to happen. I've had better sex in the last week than I've ever had, and a penis has gone nowhere near my vagina. I don't think it can get much better. Am I waiting to be in love with A'tam?

  I'm alre
ady there.

  So why am I stalling?

  As if Steph will somehow have those answers, I glance around the longhouse. No sign of her. I lean over to Flor. "Where's Steph tonight?"

  Flor leans in, as if sharing a secret. "She's out at the rocks, trying to get Pak and Juth to join us."

  The two from the outcast clan. No matter how many presents we send them, no matter how welcoming we might be, they won't join in. It's a shame. "You think they will?"

  "No, I think she's wasting her time." Flor nudges me. "Don't change the subject on me. So how's resonance?" Her expression is part wistful, part curiosity. It hasn't happened for her yet, and she's one of the older women to be kidnapped. Early thirties, I think. She's never indicated that she's in love with any of the men here, but I've caught her watching the babies with a hungry look. She watches them the same obsessed way I watch A'tam's mouth. Maybe it's her biological clock. Maybe she's just craving a family. I get it. Resonance feels like an automatic “in.” No matter what happens, you're part of the tribe—and part of a pair—now. You belong.

  I suspect Flor wants that easy belonging more than anything else, but who knows. Maybe she has babies on the brain. It's not something I've thought too hard about. My own mother was a nightmare, so I can't imagine being the mom to a kid…but I've been thinking about it more lately and I don't hate the idea. "Which part do you want to know about? Because I'm not telling you about our sex life."

  My voice is teasing, but my heart flutters with nervousness. Steph hasn't said anything that I'm aware of. She treats our “sessions” like real therapy, for all that we're on a prehistoric beach. What if I'm wrong, though, and she's been telling everyone that we're not sleeping together just yet? That we're just super into heavy petting?

  But Flor just makes a face. "I don't want to know about his dick. I already know far too much about that from other conversations, thank you."

  Right. When I first slept with A'tam and freaked the fuck out.

  "I just want to know what it's like emotionally," Flor says. "Do you feel different? Happier? Do you feel pregnant?"

  I laugh. "Well, I sure don't feel pregnant. You can probably hear my cootie right now." I tap my breastbone. "It's still going like crazy." I pretend like this is normal. It kind of is. Some couples resonate and it can take days—or longer—for resonance to settle. I think it has something to do with how long it takes to get pregnant. Willa and Gren resonated for weeks and weeks before they finally had a break and they were going at it like rabbits. No one has to know that A'tam and I haven't gone all the way. They can just think we're not successful with the whole “make a baby” part yet.

  "Are you overwhelmed with love?"

  I shrug. "I was kinda overwhelmed with love for him for a long time before the whole resonance thing. We've always been unable to keep our hands off one another. I'm not sure if resonance changed that."

  She wiggles her eyebrows at me. "Is that where you run off to all these nights? Don't think I haven't noticed you sneaking out."

  I make a zipping motion over my lips, pretending like I'm confirming her secret. Let her think I'm hooking up with A'tam. Right now that sounds better than confessing that I spend almost every night up to my elbows in clay and fail every time.

  "Glad I gave you that outfit, then. Did he like it?"

  The outfit. I forgot. The one with the puffy fur skirt that won't even cover my ass cheeks. The one with the pinkish leather bra. I've been holding onto it, too. Waiting.

  A'tam drops to my side before I can answer and holds out a fresh cup of tea. "For you, my fierce little kaari."

  I glance down at mine. It's empty, and I hadn't even realized. A'tam had noticed, though, and he got me a fresh one. I blush as I hand him the cup. "Thank you."

  "Are you hungry?" He asks. "What do you want to eat?"

  I smile at him and lean over, presenting my mouth for a kiss. He meets me halfway and it's just the lightest peck on the lips, but it feels wonderful, and right, and it makes me so, so happy for some stupid reason. It's just a kiss…but it's a public acknowledgement that he's mine and I'm his. Someone makes a teasing sound in their throat—probably Hannah. Let her tease. It doesn't bother me today. "I'll have some of O'jek's roast when it's done?" I tell him. "It smells really good."

  Nearby, O'jek's hard mouth curves in the slightest of smiles, as if he approves.

  "I will get you the best piece," A'tam reassures me. "The juiciest."

  "What's a girl gotta do to get a slice, too?" Flor jokes. "Or is it only for Shadow Cat clan?"

  "Oh, I'm sure O'jek will share," Daisy says brightly. She tosses her hair and smiles over at him. "Won't you?"

  O'jek's gaze settles on Flor and for a moment, I could swear he blushes. He says nothing, just nods. Typical O'jek.

  A'tam winks at me and gets to his feet again, bringing my empty cup back to the far end of the longhouse so it can be rinsed and re-used. As he bounds away, Flor leans over. "Okay, you two are seriously cute. I'm going to vomit from the preciousness. His little kaari? Is that a pet name?"

  I bite my lip. "It is."

  She leans over. "You know A'tam almost got into a fight yesterday with poor S'bren?"

  I blink at her in surprise. This is news to me. "He did?"

  "Yup. Penny told me all about it. S'bren called you B'shit and A'tam just about lost his mind. He lectured him on how your name should be pronounced, and then went around to the rest of the camp, letting everyone know that mispronouncing your name was upsetting and he didn't like it."

  I had no idea. Emotional tears threaten to flood my eyes. "He did that?"

  Flor nods. "He didn't tell you?"

  "No, I…I guess I was taking a nap." I take afternoon naps now, because we're up so late at night. I had no idea. Then again, no one's called me Bree-shit or B'shit today that I can think of. He's really listening. He's listening and he's trying to do better, and he's trying to get everyone else in line. And he's trying to do it on the sly.

  It's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me.

  A'tam is really trying…

  And it's time for me to do the same.

  38

  BRIDGET

  I hang out at the feast for a few hours, eating a bit of everything. O'jek's herbed roast is delicate and delicious, flavored just perfectly, and it makes me wonder just how much of their terrible meal in the cooking competition was Daisy's work instead of his. I drink a ton of shrimp tea but pass on the fermented sah-sah, because I want to have a clear head. Flor eventually gets up to go dance with Raven, and then stops to flirt and laugh with Sessah, who's probably the sweetest soul in the longest limbs. I get to hold Veronica's baby again, and Liz's little one. I watch A'tam play with Z'hren and my heart feels as if it's growing three sizes just from the sight of him pretending to munch on one of Z'hren's little fists. I have a nice conversation with Bek and Elly about the other village.

  It's a wonderful party, and I'm not ready for it to end.

  And yet…A'tam drifts by constantly, checking on me. I know he loves a good get-together, and I don't mind that he plays social butterfly while I hang out in the corner. I like watching him enjoy himself, and I know that he's going to circle around back to me. He does all the time, bringing me snacks or a bit of gossip. He grabs me by the hand and makes me dance with him to one of Raven's songs. And he looks over at me all the time, as if he can't stop watching me.

  Tonight's our night, I decide. So I fake a yawn and get to my feet when the first people start to drift away. A'tam's mid-conversation with Thrand, and he gives me a look of concern when I touch his arm. "Are you tired, Br'chit?"

  "A little." I give him a sleepy smile and my heart warms even more when he leans in and kisses the tip of my nose. "I'm going to head back to the hut. You stay here and finish your conversation."

  "I will go back with you—"

  I shake my head, nudging him back toward Thrand before he can turn away. "I'm going to wash up and I'd like a few minutes alone,
if that's all right. You hang out a bit more." I beam at him to let him know it's all right.

  He gives me an uncertain look, as if it violates all of his principles to let me leave the gathering alone. But when I remain firm, he nods. "I will be there soon."

  "Not too soon," I tease, and then wave at Thrand. "Night."

  I slip out of the longhouse and into the cold night. It was stuffy inside, thanks to the fire and the press of bodies, but out in the open, it's biting and frigid. I rub my arms as I hurry over to the hut, gasping with the chill. When I get inside, I stoke the coals, getting the fire roaring again, and then I dig through my things.

  I pull out the outfit Flor made for me and run my fingers over it. It was so thoughtful of her to make something and give it to me. Clothing—even tiny, flirty clothing—requires hours of work. I need to thank her again, because I'm going to wear this tonight. I strip down and wash my body with a bit of frigid water, then put on the leather bra. It's got the perfect little spaghetti straps, and two long bits of leather between the cups to tie in a bow and secure everything. I'm surprised that it fits rather well, all things considered. My tits are too big for the cups—I spill over in a rather obscene way—but it looks pretty sexy, so I'm happy with it. Next, I put on the soft, fuzzy skirt, and bite back a cackle of laughter when the thing barely covers my ass cheeks. One wrong move and my butt is going to hang out the backside.

  It's perfect.

  I twirl in the outfit, feeling sexy and pretty. A'tam will like this, I decide. He likes me naked, of course, but I don't think he's ever seen lingerie before, so he's sure to like it. What man wouldn't like his woman's ass hanging out of a teeny, fluffy skirt or her tits busting out of a leather bra? A'tam is as red-blooded as they come, so I can't wait to show him.

  Tonight's going to be fun, I decide. Fun and special. I'm not going to worry too much about the size of A'tam's dick or my girl parts, I tell myself. We can make it fit. We can make resonance work.