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  Lauren’s Barbarian

  A SciFi Alien Romance

  Ruby Dixon

  Icehome Book One

  Copyright © 2017 by Ruby Dixon

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Cover Photo by Sara Eirew Photographer

  Cover Design by Kati Wilde, All Around Badass

  Editing by Aquila Editing, Also Badass

  Created with Vellum

  Contents

  A note to readers

  Lauren’s Barbarian

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Author’s Note

  Cast of Characters

  Ice Planet Barbarians

  Other Books by Ruby Dixon

  Want More?

  A note to readers

  My intention is that this series will stand on its own. While there will be characters crossing back and forth from the Ice Planet Barbarians series (also available in KU if that’s your thing!), the goal is that you should be able to read Icehome books without being caught up on that series. You might miss a few details of ongoing characters, but overall this story stands on its own. I want the new series to be about these new characters and their own journey into our favorite snow-covered world, not just as offshoots of the other tribe.

  With that said, enjoy!

  <3

  Ruby

  Lauren’s Barbarian

  A lush, tropical island on an icy planet makes no sense.

  Then again, not much makes sense anymore after waking up and finding myself not in bed but on a strange world populated by aliens. Since that moment, I’ve learned that nothing is normal anymore and I’ve got to roll with the punches. I can handle this, though. I’m strong and capable.

  So… washed up on a tropical island? Got it handled.

  Separated from the others in my group? Handled.

  Stranded alone with a brutal but delicious alien man that can’t speak English but has great…ahem…body language? Yup, handled.

  Add in the fact that my cootie – a symbiont I need to survive – has chosen my big, hulking alien friend as my fated mate? Let’s just say that the situation isn’t the only thing that’s going to be handled.

  But it isn’t long before I learn that the tropical island paradise is a death trap and we’re all in grave danger, aliens and humans alike. To survive this, I'll need my tempting guy to give me a hand with the situation…good thing he's got four of them.

  This romance features all of the adventure, humor and community you’ve come to expect in the Ice Planet Barbarians series, but it stands on its own. You do not need to read the other series (or be caught up) in order to read LAUREN'S BARBARIAN. Enjoy!

  1

  LAUREN

  “She’s waking up,” someone whispers beside my bed. “Everyone, play it cool.”

  I rub my eyes with my knuckles and yawn, peering out. I don’t have my glasses on and everything looks like a blur. My head’s pounding and fuzzy, and I can’t think straight, but I’m pretty sure there aren’t supposed to be people in my bedroom. “Michelle?” I call out sleepily to my roommate. “Why are you in my room?”

  It’s quiet for a long moment.

  “Is Mee-shell in one of the other pods?” someone asks. It’s a man with a deep voice and a strange accent.

  “I don’t know,” the woman says again, impatient. “Do I look like a motherfucking pod whisperer? I know just as much as you do.” A hand reaches out and grabs mine, squeezing it. Oh god, it feels burning hot—either that or I’m really cold.

  Actually, come to think of it, it is really cold in my room. My toes are freezing. I curl them automatically and wonder why I don’t have any blankets.

  “Honey, listen carefully,” the woman tells me. She leans in closer and I see it’s a blonde woman in a parka, her eyes a vivid, glowing blue. She’s pretty, in an athletic, weathered, spends-too-much-time-outdoors sort of way. I don’t know anyone like that. My people are more library people. Must be one of Michelle’s jogging friends. She squeezes my hand again. “I don’t want you to be alarmed, all right? You’re safe here. We’re the good guys.”

  “Where’s Michelle? How come she let you in my room?” I frown, trying to pull my hand away from the woman. “Did you turn down the heat?”

  “I think she’s still groggy,” another woman says in a quiet voice. “Should we have her drink something?”

  The blonde woman moves away and turns into a blur. I can’t see farther than a few feet ahead of me without my glasses, and everything else seems to be moving back out of range. There’s a lot of blue moving at the edges of my vision, and I squint, but nothing comes into sight. Annoyed, I lean over the edge of my bed and fumble for my glasses on the nightstand—

  Except there’s no nightstand. Or glasses.

  And when I roll over, I realize I’m not in bed. My face smushes up against something that feels like a wall, and I realize about two seconds later that I’m naked.

  Is…this one of those bad dreams where you’re naked at the mall? Or in class? I squeeze my eyes shut again, trying to re-route my dream. Happy thoughts, Lo. Think happy thoughts.

  Except, my dream doesn’t seem to be changing. I cautiously open one eye again and a blurry blue face—and horns? Are those horns?—looms into view. “Is she well?”

  I bite back a scream, shrinking down against my bed. I push back only to feel my shoulder on the opposite side hit a wall, too. Two narrow walls and I’m naked… Am I in a coffin?

  “Am I dead?” I cry out, horrified. I squint at the big blue horned face. “Oh my god, are you devils? Am I in hell?”

  “Only if it’s frozen over,” says the blonde. “Yuk, yuk.”

  “Liz,” scolds the other woman. “Be nice.” A new face looms into view, and I can just barely make out a pale face and carroty red hair and another pair of crazy-blue eyes. A soft, furry blanket is handed to me. “Wrap up in this. I’m Harlow. Don’t be alarmed. We’re the good guys. I promise.”

  Good guys? Does that mean there are bad guys? “W-where am I? Why am I naked?”

  The blonde bites down on her knuckle. “So. Many. Jokes. I can’t. I just can’t, though.”

  “You’re safe,” the redhead says again.

  “Maybe we should have planned a speech,” the blonde continues. “Like, Smurf you very much, welcome to our village!”

  “Liz!”

  “I couldn’t help it!”

  “What?” I whisper. I press a hand to my throbbing forehead. Am I…high? Roofied? I am way too confused.

  “Liz is just making things worse,” the redhead says and moves closer to my side. She looms in and her face is pale and freckled but friendly. She, too, looks a little weathered and she’s also wearing a furry parka. “Okay. You’re not at home, um…what did you say your name was again?”

  “Lauren,” I tell her. “But everyone calls me Lo. Have you seen my glasses?”

  “Hi, Lo. I’m Harlow. This is Liz.”
She points at the blonde blur at her side. “And I hate to break it to you, but you’ve been kidnapped by aliens.”

  “Um, aliens?” I squint. Now I’m wondering if they’re the ones that are high.

  “Not these aliens,” Harlow reassures me quickly, waving a hand. Another blue form shifts in the background and someone walks—oh god, those blue things are people? Really, really big people? With horns? I’m not dreaming that? “We’re the rescue team.”

  “The good guys,” Liz chirps. “Welcome to your new home.”

  My glasses are nowhere to be found. Neither are my pants, or my bed, or anything that resembles my apartment.

  It seems I really have been kidnapped by aliens.

  So far no one’s hurting me, so I try to keep my panic to a minimum. I think the fact that I was drugged helps, because I’m not feeling like freaking out. I’m just mostly really tired and drained. Liz and Harlow help me out of my “pod” and wrap me in yet another furry blanket. They lead me nearby where I sit on the floor amidst a bunch of other blankets. “Wait here,” Harlow tells me with a pat on my shoulder.

  Like I’m going anywhere? I can’t even see two feet in front of me.

  I try not to stare as some big blue guy approaches and offers me a waterskin and a pouch of something that feels like granola. “Eat,” he tells me in a gruff, accented voice, and then walks away a few feet. I’m pretty sure I saw a tail, which is alarming. I shove a handful of food into my mouth and crunch down, watching everyone around me. There are a lot of blue guys, and what’s weird is that they don’t seem to be wearing much clothing…unless they’re dressed in all blue. It’s strange, because I’m utterly freezing despite the layers of blankets on my body, and the contents of the waterskin they gave me are slushy with ice. Maybe I’ve caught a cold. That would explain my exhaustion and confusion.

  I exhale deeply and watch my breath frost into a cloud in front of my face.

  Okay, maybe I’m not sick.

  “Is it winter?” I ask. “I thought it was summer.” At least, it was back home.

  “Suh-mer is not here. She is back with the others,” the blue alien tells me, and then moves away a few feet to watch a blur in the distance.

  Oooookay. Now I’m really confused. I take a sip of icy water and nod as if it all makes sense to me and watch as everyone moves around. They’re clustered around a dark blob and talking in low voices. A moment later, someone screams loudly. Really loudly. I jump in my seat and nearly spill my drink.

  “It’s okay!” Harlow calls out. “Please don’t be scared! Someone grab her before she runs away!”

  There’s a big haze of movement and then the screamer lets out another choked sob before going silent. I stare, eyes wide, and try not to panic.

  “Well, that went well,” Liz says dryly. “I feel like we need to practice our ‘We’re aliens’ speech a bit more. Like maybe we don’t open up with ‘Hi, we’re aliens.’”

  “Let me handle this next one,” Harlow tells her firmly. “Go sit her down with her friend.”

  The “friend” must be me. Is this my roomie Michelle, then? Maybe she’ll know what’s going on. A few moments later, Liz brings another fur-wrapped person to come and sit next to me in the blankets. This one is sniffling and crying, and I get a sense of impatience from Liz before she heads off to help again. Another blue guy steps in and offers the girl next to me her own snacks and then moves away once more.

  “Hi,” I whisper to the new girl, once it’s clear that she’s not Michelle. Michelle has dark skin and short cropped hair. This girl has brown, messy hair and freckles, and she’s weeping and blubbering in a way that Michelle never would. Should I be panicking more than I am? For a moment, I’m kind of relieved that I can’t see shit without my glasses. “I’m Lo.”

  “You’re what?” the girl asks, her voice twangy with a Southern accent. “Low?”

  Oh. Maybe that didn’t make sense. “I’m Lauren. Everyone calls me Lo, though. Hi.”

  “Willa,” she replies and swipes at her nose. “Do…do you know what’s going on here?”

  “Not really.”

  She leans in closer to me. “Are they bad guys?”

  “I hope not,” I whisper. “Because I don’t have any underpants.”

  Willa gives a teary giggle. “Me either.”

  I start to laugh, too, and then we’re both chuckling as we eat our granola. It seems like such a stupid—but important—thing to be upset over. Funnily enough, though, I do feel better being able to laugh over things. “Where are you from?” I ask Willa. “I’m from Durham, but I don’t think we’re in North Carolina because it’s really cold.”

  “Arkansas,” Willa says. “Hot Springs.” She sniffs her waterskin, as if not sure if she can trust it, and then takes a sip. “Where do you think we are?”

  “Maybe the mountains?” I guess, though I’m not entirely sure. If we are, how did we get here? And why are aliens here?

  “Do you think we’re safe?” Willa asks me, worried.

  I shrug, because I really don’t know. “I think if they were going to kill us, they wouldn’t be feeding us and giving us blankets,” I tell her, since that’s the most hopeful thing I can think of.

  “Oh good.” She sounds cheered up by this. “Lordy, I was about to pee in my non-existent pants at the thought of being killed by aliens.”

  I smile at her words, though I’m not entirely sure we’re safe. Harlow and Liz seem nice enough, but I can’t help but think of their eerily glowing blue eyes and the fact that there are only two of them and a lot of big blue males.

  A few moments later, another girl comes to join us. She stumbles as she falls into the furs, knocking my water out of my hands and tripping over Willa’s blankets. “Sorry,” she says quickly.

  “It’s okay,” I tell her as I scramble to pick up the water before it can leak everywhere. Willa and I help her sit upright and she pulls her blankets close around her shoulders. “I’m Lauren, this is Willa.”

  “I’m Veronica. Where are we?”

  “Y’all’s guess is as good as mine,” Willa declares.

  “How many of us are there?” Veronica wants to know. “Are…are all of these big black crates people?”

  I think of the coffin thing I was pulled out of and squint over in the direction where Liz and Harlow are busy. They’re surrounded by a few of the half-naked blue guys. “How many of them are there? I can’t tell anything without my glasses.”

  Veronica huddles down next to me while Willa gets to her feet, counting. After a moment she sits down again and leans in toward me. “I counted twenty. And they just pulled a pregnant lady out of another one of them boxes.”

  Twenty people? Are they all like us, confused and naked? What the heck is going on? Why are we here? What do these aliens want with us?

  Better yet, how do we get home?

  One by one, our small group turns into a rather large group. We’re joined by Nadine and Callie and Bridget, who all seem to be taking things in stride. They’ve got the same dazed expression I do. Samantha is panicky and slaps away the hands of anyone that tries to help her. Devi is a chatter, and a woman named Marisol decides that I’m the best one to hide behind. She huddles behind me, pushing up against my furs as if she can somehow slide under my skin. I don’t complain, because I’m scared, too. I can’t blame her for trying to find a safe spot. I’m just not sure I’m that safe spot.

  We’re a motley group, I think. Nadine is black, Flordeliza is Asian, and Devi is Indian. I think. I’m also pretty sure Callie is Hispanic, though it seems impolite—and silly—to ask. What does it matter what someone’s skin color is when we’re surrounded by blue people? Then there’s Tia, who looks to be a teenager. Hannah and Penny and Steph are big girls with bouncy figures and cleavage that even my blind self can see.

  And then there’s Angie.

  Poor, poor Angie. She keeps touching her belly—her very, very pregnant belly—as if in shock. “Are you okay?” someone asks her.

>   “I think I’m pregnant,” she says, utterly astonished.

  After that, it goes really quiet. It’s clear to all of us that Angie is very pregnant, but if it’s a surprise to her, how long has she been “asleep”? And who impregnated her? It’s disturbing and I get sick at the thought of what that means. If Angie’s been impregnated, what about the rest of us?

  “That’s all the females,” someone says. “Now to get the males.”

  My throat goes dry on the last of my trail mix. We’re a quiet group, everyone eating and trying not to freak out, though there’s the occasional panicky sniffle. I think we’re all just trying to figure out what’s going on. Harlow moves over to our shivering group while Liz stays with the others. As she passes by, I notice she has her hands at the small of her back and her belly juts out from her parka. She’s pregnant, too.

  “I wonder if they got her while she was sleepin’, too,” Willa whispers, thinking the same thing I am.

  A big blue blur comes up to Harlow’s side and brings her a chair. “Sit,” he demands. “You push too hard.”

  “I’m fine, baby. I promise.” She leans into the blue guy and I realize a second later that the two blurs are kissing.

  “Sit anyhow,” he demands, earning a chuckle from her.

  A moment later, Harlow sits with our group on a padded stool. She adjusts her clothes and then gazes into our waiting faces, clasping her hands. “Before I launch into everything, because I know it’s going to be a little hard to believe, I want you to remember that I’m your friend, and I’ve been through this and I’m here to help, okay?” When no one says anything, she nods slowly. “All right. I’m sure you’re all wondering what’s going on. I have answers. You might not like them, but I do have answers.”