Ice Ice Babies Read online

  I pick her up, wincing when she yanks hard on my tail. She has a fierce grip, this little one. I hold her close, burying my face against her small, warm body. Her scent is one of the things I love best about being a father - the sweet scent of a kit’s skin. Today, though, she smells a bit like milk and…a dirty loincloth. I set her down and change her quietly, even as she yanks on my tail and burbles happily.

  When her cloth is changed, her eyes drift shut slowly once more, and I pry my tail back out of her small hands. I cover her up and gaze down at my kits with longing. They get bigger every time I see them. I feel as if I am missing all of their moments — but then I think of their faces pinched and hungry in the brutal season, and I am resolved once more.

  Another jaw-cracking yawn erupts from my chest and I pull my leathers off, staggering to the bedside. My No-rah’s back is to me, the pale, gentle slope of her shoulder begging to be touched. My cock stirs despite my exhaustion, but I ignore it. No-rah so rarely gets to sleep without interruption - one kit always seems to be awake - and I do not want to wake her simply to sate my needs. They can wait.

  I cannot resist touching her, though. I trace a finger lightly over the pale flesh of one smooth arm, and when she shivers, I pull away reluctantly. My hand goes to her tangled hair and I touch it, stroking it absently as I watch her sleep.

  She was mine the first time I saw her. I think of that day so many moons ago, when the humans were pulled from their strange cave and a frightened No-rah looked at me with defiant, terrified eyes. My chest immediately resonated for her, but I kept it a secret. She was afraid, and I did not want her to fear me. I did not keep it secret for long - the moment she had her khui, she resonated to me.

  We had mated furtively under the furs a short distance from the fire, too desperate for each other to care about privacy. I close my eyes, thinking of the little gasp she had made when I filled her with my cock. I lost my heart then.

  It feels as if I lose it anew every time she smiles at me.

  Now it has been almost two turns of the seasons, and her pale yellow hair has grown darker at the top, and long. Her face is not as full as it was, and she looks at me with sleepy, affectionate smiles instead of defiant fear. Every day, my need for her grows. There is nothing for me without No-rah. Nothing at all.

  And I will do everything I can to keep her safe and fed.

  I slide under the furs and press a kiss to her shoulder, hugging her against me. She murmurs something and then snuggles back against me, her skin cool against my own. The humans are fragile and cannot keep their heat, and it reminds me that I must work that much harder to protect my No-rah. I pull the blankets tight around our bodies, ignoring the fact that it is warm enough to be uncomfortable.

  Only No-rah and the kits matter.

  NORA

  I wake in the morning to quiet. The babies are still asleep. Thank God. Dagesh is slumbering next to me, his hair still in braids from yesterday. He normally undoes them when we sleep because he knows I like his hair, but he must have been too tired last night.

  Maybe we can squeeze in a little cuddling before he’s off for the day.

  I get up and check on the babies, take care of my bladder in the bone chamberpot kept for occasions like this, and then wash my hands and rinse my mouth out before crawling back into bed. I snuggle against Dagesh’s chest, sliding my hands over his stomach as he tugs me close, eyes still closed.

  “Your hands are like ice,” he murmurs in my ear. His mouth presses against my forehead in a sleepy kiss.

  “Are they?” I guess I won’t put them on his dick until they warm up. I stroke my hands over his fuzzy body, gliding over the ridges on his chest. “The babies are still asleep,” I whisper, leaning in to lick at his shoulder. “We might have a few minutes for—“

  Anna coughs awake, then wails angrily.

  Damn it. I press my forehead to his chest in frustration. I don’t even get five minutes, do I? Not with two babies and no Not-Hoth formula in sight. I’m the one-stop shop.

  Dagesh groans low. He pats my back. “You sleep. I will get her.”

  “It’s okay,” I say, sitting up. “That’s her hungry cry.” My breasts are leaking in response to her wailing, so I might as well get up. “You sleep,” I tell him, crawling to my feet. “I’ll take care of Anna. Hopefully I can get her fed before Elsa wakes up.” If so, maybe we’ll have time for a bit of nookie after all—

  But Dagesh gets to his feet and rubs his eyes with one hand. “I should be off to hunt anyhow.”

  I pick up my angry baby - poor Anna is always the fussy one - and tuck her against my breast, wrapping a fur around us for warmth. I sit on my favorite stool and frown as Dagesh picks up his scattered leathers and begins to put them on again. “You got home so late last night. Now you’re going back out?”

  He nods, strapping on his belt. He won’t look at me. “Bek says the hunting is bad for the others. Taushen came back empty-handed yesterday. Ereven, too. I have been fortunate, so I must go out and continue to hunt. We must have food for the brutal season.”

  It hardly seems fair. We don’t even get five minutes together lately. “So send them to go hunt on your trails and you take a day off, Dagesh.”

  Elsa whimpers and before I can pick her up, Dagesh is there. He cuddles her close, pressing a kiss to her tiny face before tucking her against my free arm so both twins can nurse. “I wish I could,” he says, gazing down at us with an intensely thoughtful look. “But I must feed my family and my tribe. I will be home in time for dinner.” He grabs his spear, leans down to press a kiss to my head, and then is out the cave again.

  I sigh. Another day on the ice planet apart, it seems. I stare at the open doorway to my cave, because Dagesh forgot the privacy screen, and I think. Was he out the door the moment he was up before the babies got here? I don’t think he was. Has…something changed between us? That can’t be it, though. We’re resonance mates. That’s a forever sort of thing.

  So what is it, then?

  I don’t allow myself to mope long. Dagesh is busy, but I know he loves me and adores the babies. Whatever’s going on, we’ll work it out. Maybe not today, since he’s hunting, but soon.

  In the meantime, I can choose to be lonely and sad in my cave all day, or I can hunt Asha down and befriend her.

  Of course, getting around with twins in hand can be tricky. It takes me several minutes to adjust the twin carrier sling that Megan macraméd for me, and by the time I get one settled, the other starts to fuss. Or poop. By the time I get out of the cave to head to the main fire, I’ve already been cried at and peed on. But eventually I make it out to the main fire and arrive just as Stacy’s making breakfast cakes out of root and some dried meat. It’s not exactly McDonalds but it’s filling. She hands me one and I eat it standing up, since the babies are being quiet. Georgie, Claire, Ariana, and Marlene are sitting around the fire today. All of them have their babies with them except Claire, who’s only got a modest bump in her belly.

  I take breakfast from Stacy and eat it standing up. The others are chatting quietly, Ariana anxiously patting the back of little Analay, who holds the record for being the fussiest baby in the entire cave. I tell myself it’s revenge for how high maintenance his mama is, but I feel bad for Ariana. She’s always exhausted trying to look after the constantly-crying Analay, and I know how that feels. My Anna’s a fussbucket, but Analay is something else.

  Of course, Ariana and Analay’s presence means that I won’t have to make a lot of excuses about why I’m not going to hang out by the fire this morning. One fussy baby means the others start in, and even Georgie’s usually-happy Talie looks confused. She shoves a fist in her mouth and sucks on it, as if she’s trying to decide if she’s going to cry or not.

  “I can’t stay,” I tell the others. “Got a lot of house-cleaning to do. Has anyone seen Asha?”

  Marlene gives me an incredulous look. She snorts. “Why? Did she say something to you?”

  This just confirms my feel
ing that we need to include her. The tribe is small and we all have to stick together. Poor Asha. “No,” I say cheerily. “I’m going to do some…um, tea sorting, and I heard she was good with flavors.” And I totally just made that shit up off the top of my head, but it sounds legit, even to me.

  “Tea…sorting?” Georgie asks, pulling a tuft of fur out of Talie’s hand before she can shove it into her mouth.

  “Yes, tea sorting.” I’m sticking with it. “I’m tired of the same flavors and I thought maybe she could help me put together some new ones. I have a ton of dried leaves I picked from just before the twins were born but they all look the same to me.”

  “She might still be in her cave,” Ariana says. “Their cave is right next to mine and Zolaya’s. I saw Hemalo in there earlier and I don’t think they’re early risers.” Analay hiccups and then begins to wail, and Ariana’s face falls. “Oh no. It’s okay, little buddy! Come on.” She gets to her feet, bouncing the baby, and wanders away trying to soothe him.

  Talie’s little face scrunches up and she lets out an unhappy bleat. A moment later, the bundle peacefully sleeping against Marlene’s breast wakes up. Pacy is papoosed on Stacy’s back, and he gives an unhappy gurgle too.

  I am so out of here before the twins pick it up. “Gotta jet,” I tell them. “Thanks for the heads up. And for breakfast!” And I waddle out of there as fast as I can with two babies strapped to my front.

  The cave network that makes up the tribal home is spacious and sprawling, and I take my time, wandering down a rocky hallway to lull my twins back to sleep. I pass by Harlow’s cave and stop to say hi, since her privacy screen isn’t up. Rukh is showing his son Rukhar a carved block made of bone, and Harlow’s got a piece of equipment in her lap, a make-shift pair of magnifying lenses over her eyes. She blinks at me then goes back to work. “Hey, Nora. What’s up?”

  “Just avoiding crying-baby central,” I say in a low voice, smiling as Rukh hides the block in one enormous fist and little Rukhar giggles and reaches for his dad’s hand. Smart kid. Not even six months old and I’m pretty sure he’s ahead of most normal human babies. “How are you guys?”

  “Just working on trying to hitch together this stupid storm tracker. I thought it might be helpful for the upcoming season, but I can’t get it to turn on and I need to ask the computer about it and she’s back at the ancestor ship. Grr.” Harlow shakes a fist at the square, piecemeal machine in her lap.

  “Are you guys going back to the ancestor ship soon?” I know she and Rukh prefer living there, because Rukh’s still not big on tribe life after living in exile for so long.

  She shakes her head and moves a tiny wire with her fingers. “Vektal’s got everyone on lockdown after that whole Lila thing. You know how he gets.”

  I sigh. Yeah, I do. When he feels people are fucking around or the tribe isn’t running like a well-oiled machine, Vektal gets all iron-fist and cracks down on who comes and goes. “Probably doesn’t help that the hunting is bad and the winter’s gonna suck.” I smooth a hand over Anna’s white-blonde hair. “Dagesh has been out twenty-four-seven hunting to try and prep for winter - sorry, the brutal season.”

  “Yup. Add all that together, and we’re gonna be here for now.”

  As Rukh hides the block from Rukhar again, sending the baby into peals of laughter, I frown. My mate’s out every day…and yet here’s Rukh, playing with his son. I try not to feel jealous, but it’s hard. “You going out soon, Rukh?” I can’t help it; I have to ask.

  He shakes his head. “Out two. Back one.”

  Rukh is normally pretty short with words, but that makes no sense to me. I glance over at Harlow to clarify.

  “Just got back from a two-day stint,” Harlow says, casting an affectionate look at her mate. “Today’s his day off. He goes back out again tomorrow.”

  “You mean you guys get days off?” I joke, but I’m not finding it funny. Dagesh never takes a day off.

  “Well, yeah,” Harlow says, looking up at me. The magnifiers make her eyes seem enormous. “Man’s gotta get some rest. R&R and all that.”

  “Of course.” I need to talk to Dagesh, then. Why isn’t he taking a day to relax? And then of course, the worry sets in again. Is it me? Is he avoiding me? That can’t be it. We’re resonance mates.

  But then I think of Asha and Hemalo…and my stomach goes a little sour. “Well, I’m off,” I say, smiling at them despite my worry. “I need to go find Asha and say hello.”

  “You do? Have fun.” Harlow’s tone is absent and she bends back over her machine. “Hey, Rukh, Can you put a finger here on this bracket, babe, while I work?”

  I leave their cave, thinking about Dagesh. Dagesh, who never takes a day of rest. I’m concerned. My mate’s a good man. He’s strong and brave and tireless. He likes to joke that he’s a hunter, not a thinker, but I think he’s plenty smart. And I love him. I love his smile, his scent, the way he gives me that adorably blank stare when I use a human term he doesn’t understand. I love seeing him with the babies. I can’t imagine being with anyone else.

  But there has to be something bothering him.

  An awful stink starts to emanate from one of the babies slung in the chest carrier I’m wearing. Ah, crap. It’s diaper time. I make it to Asha and Hemalo’s cave just in time to see Hemalo stalking out, spear in hand and fur cloak over his shoulders. He gives me a courteous nod but doesn’t stop. The privacy screen is open, though, so I knock on the stone wall - a mental ‘leftover’ from human life even though the sound is practically inaudible - and step inside.

  “I told you to go away,” Asha snaps, not looking in my direction as she pulls her furs higher. She’s lying in her blankets, her back to me. “Go hunt and leave me be.”

  “It’s me,” I say timidly. “Is this a bad time?”

  She turns and sits up, startled. Her gaze flicks to the entrance of her cave, then to me and my babies. “Why are you here?”

  Well, it’s not the friendliest greeting but I can’t blame her. I smile brightly. “I thought I would come by and see if you wanted to help me sort tea leaves.”

  She pushes her inky black hair back and narrows her eyes at me, as if she can’t quite figure me out. “Sort…tea?”

  “Yes. I have a pile of dried leaves and no clue with what to do with them.” That part’s true at least. I’m not much for domestic stuff. Every time there’s a tea-leaf picking, I just grab handfuls of the stuff and go back to my normal chores. Could be why my tea normally tastes like, well, lawn clippings.

  Her gaze flicks from my face down to the babies. “Your kit has a dirty loincloth.” She touches her ridged nose. “I can smell it.”

  “I noticed that too. It’s a smell that lingers so I should probably head back to my cave unless you want to scent yours up with some baby doody.”

  A hint of a smile touches her face. “You can change her here. I do not mind.”

  I have a sneaking suspicion it’s so she can leave the dirty diaper on her mate’s side of the bed or something. I can’t help but notice that there’s two sleeping pallets in the cave. Obviously Hemalo and Asha aren’t sharing anything more than a room. “That’s okay. We can go back to my cave and I can put the babies in their baskets there.”

  For a moment I think she’s going to decline, but then she shrugs and gets to her feet. “If you can find no one else to help you…”

  She thinks she’s my last resort? Aw. That’s kinda sad. I beam her a smile. “Actually I came to you because Maylak says you have a good eye for this sort of thing. You’re so sweet to help me, truly.”

  Her smile broadens and there’s a bit of spring in her step as she slips on her boots and then follows me out of her cave back to mine. I keep up a steady stream of small talk as we walk back, because I know that the others are going to be watching us together, curious. Let them be curious. I’ve decided Asha needs including and damn it, I’m going to include her.

  We get back to my cave and I sigh at the sight of it. My furs are everywhere
and the babies’ things seem to be scattered everywhere. “I’m sorry about the mess.”

  “Do not worry,” she says, leaning over to pick up a discarded blanket. “You have your hands full with two kits. Even one is a challenge.”

  “I’d say it’s too much, but the truth is, I wouldn’t change a thing,” I admit. “I love them both so much.” I carefully pull the twins free from the baby sling on my chest and then set them in their beds. Elsa needs changing, and I pull off her little tunic and diaper as quickly as I can, because Anna’s starting to screech at being put down.

  To my surprise, Asha picks up Anna and tucks the baby against her shoulder. There’s a look of fierce joy and longing that crosses her face, and she closes her eyes, just holding my baby against her. There’s an aching lump in my throat at the sight. Poor Asha. For all that she can be unpleasant, she’s also unhappy.

  “Thank you,” I tell her softly. “Sometimes I don’t have enough hands.”

  She chuckles and opens her eyes, her big blue hands cradling Anna with the utmost care. “You may borrow mine at any time.”

  “You joke, but I might take you up on that,” I tell her as I clean Elsa off and change her clothing. When I turn around, Asha’s settling in on my favorite stool and Anna’s asleep tucked against her shoulder. She holds her other hand out for Elsa, and looks excited at the thought of holding both of my squirmy, fussy children. Like I’m going to turn that down? I hand her Elsa and she settles the baby carefully in the cradle of her lap, one hand resting on her to make sure she stays in place. She seems to know instinctively how to hold the twins, and then I feel bad for thinking that. Of course she knows how to hold a baby - she had one of her own, even if it was only for a few days.

  And now that someone else has the babies? I feel so…relaxed. “You sure you don’t mind?” I ask her, hesitating.

  “It is my joy to help out,” she says, and presses a smiling kiss to Anna’s tiny head. This is the most I think I’ve seen Asha smile in the two years we’ve been here.